December 2011
4 posts
Terri: wow it smells like weed and axe in here
Scott: oh my god I'd never wear axe that's like armani and gucci and prada
Terri: oh I could totally tell
Dan: stay dangerous
Dan: I kept the good energy rock and all the writing on the walls, takes me back
Terri: holy shit I totally forgot about the good energy rock
Dan: I remember everything. fuck, i've been dumb my entire life
Terri: it's a good thing, dumb people live a long time
Nick: that kid is cute, MAKE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND.
November 2011
12 posts
Terri: I used to have this coat with the pockets ripped out of it, so I could keep my weed in the back of the liner.
Yannick: Oh, I just keep it in my ass
Nick: I wish Laura loved me for more than my cooking and my tits.
Terri: Everyone's a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it'll spend its whole life thinking it's stupid.
Nick: Trust me Terri, it's stupid, it's a fish. It'll spend its life circling the little castle in its fishbowl, not getting a job, not contributing to the household. Hey, let's get a fish. We can name him James Dean.
Laura: can I come over later?
Terri: yeah, sure.
Laura: ok, I'm just closing up the store.
Terri: ok, I'm just continuing to sit on my ass.
Eric: Come to McDonald's.
Terri: No.
Eric: Here, talk to Alex. (passes the phone)
Alex: Terri, come to McDonald's and we will give you oral pleasure.
Terri: ACTUALLY?! ............... wait. you are offering.. to buy me McDick's.
Alex: Well... maybe.
Terri: Not my friend anymore.
Laura: and then Terri was like, "just so we're all aware, I don't swing that way."
Terri: I didn't want things to get awkward.
Nick: Well mission fucking accomplished.
Terri: how's Montreal girl?
Will: uhm, she's good. (to someone grabbing a tripod) hey, ne touche pas!!
Terri: I hope you didn't learn that this weekend.
Will: haha, well, sort of. and "mon petite mouchoir"
Terri: what does that mean..?
Will: my little kleenex. works on all the french girls..
Terri: ....... AHAHAHA
Grandma: So tell me about your love life?
Terri: this dude asked me the other day why I'm single. I told him it's because I'm completely insane, and I think he took me seriously.
Terri: ecch! fucking dudes! get away from me with your open relationship bullshit. I know what that means - you like your girlfriend a whole lot, but yer girlfriend don't like anal. well, we're not gonna be butt buddies. bugger off.
Eric: how'd your website turn out?
Taylor: eerrrrrg, well it works, but it looks like a bag of assholes.
Terri: Taylor how does it feel being my new favorite person
Terri: eyelids are kind of like foreskin...... for your eyes.
Ben: in that you can cut them off and nothing happens?
Terri: and the idea goes back to the drawing board.
Terri: I hurt my back
Martin: go to the doctor
Martin: get painkillers
Martin: give me the painkillers
Martin: and I will fix your back
October 2011
5 posts
1 tag
“WHERE THE HELL IS THE LIQUOR STORE.”
– Ras, drunk, standing four meters away from the Rideau LCBO and looking in the wrong direction
Dan: what's been up?
Terri: o, eating, sleeping, shooting, parties and porn.. that should fill you in on the last couple years.
Dan: really you sleep now?
Terri: things have changed
Terri: I don't even know "fuck you" in enough languages to communicate with you properly right now
advice to horror movie stars
Laura: DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR!!!
Terri: yes, go home, fuck, get in your BED.
the zen theory of dicks
Nick: this alan watts guy, you have to listen to him. he's a taoist, he's got a fucking accent. he's all about, you know, becoming weightless.
Terri: look, nicko, I'm all for your self-discovery and shit, but just last week, you were talking about life being dicks in your mouth.
Nick: no no, the dicks don't go away, terri. the dicks never go away.
Terri: so this week you're becoming one with the dicks?
Nick: no, you see, I'm already one with the dicks. we are all the dicks. the dicks are us.
Terri: the dicks are all around us. and inside of us.
September 2011
7 posts
nick's bag of dicks theory of life
nick: you move out, get your own place, and a job, and a bag of dicks. every couple weeks you get a paycheque that you think might belong to you, you get another dick in your mouth.
terri: oh, speaking of. we're $36 over in internet bandwidth for this month
nick: I knew my mouth felt empty.
terri: yeah, you just haven't noticed all the dick yet.
nick: i've GROWN ACCUSTOMED.
Yannick: got this girl's number last night, her boyfriend wasn't too happy
Terri: have you called her yet?
Yannick: hahaha no, I'm thinking about it
Terri: call her boyfriend up instead. be like, "heeeeey, what's your girlfriend up to tonight? is she free? great tell her I called, thanks"
Terri: your mom called
Nick: UGH EVERYBODY WANTS A PIECE
Terri: there's this one alley downtown that always smells like pee
Nick: yah, that's the executive bathroom. doesn't that sound like a superhero name? NOT TODAY, EXECUTIVE BATHROOM.
2 tags
but don't step on them. you'll make it rain.
Terri: man once you know there's a dick in the room it feels like they're all over you
Nick: HAHAHAHAHA they invade your house in the winter and you have to kill them before they build nests and OH GOD you have BABY DICKS ALL UP IN YOUR ROOMS
the ultimate
Nick: wow, that guy did a terrible job cleaning the parking lot
Terri: no, you're supposed to leave the butts and the receipts, that's what makes a mac's a mac's. well, that and the broken ATM. every fucking time I go in there....
Nick: and that is the most fun you'll ever have at a mac's.
(while waiting for Laura to get off work)
Terri: we should run across to Aren't We Naughty
Nick: check it out?
Terri: i've been meaning to make a dick chandelier! we can hang it in the entrance just low enough for people to walk into
(Laura hops in the car)
Terri: hey Laura, we were just talking about erecting a dick chandelier in the apartment low enough for people to walk into, but we like you so we're letting you know ahead of time.
August 2011
4 posts
Terri: oh my god, what a twatter mccuntytits. you should dig a hole around his house so he falls in when he goes outside
Charlie: want to play with my fake chicken?
Terri: Sorry, I don't do that for free anymore.
Rebecca: my friend is terrified of bananas, but he doesn't want anyone to know about it. If you put one on his door, he'd never come out again, and he'd never ask for help...
reasons I have so many boyfriends
Rando on the street: Hey, how come the girls here are so sexy?
Terri: It's the shit they put in the water. We have eyes in places you don't want to imagine.
July 2011
7 posts
Dan: I got a job and now I'm SEXY!
Terri: we can't stay parked like this, we'll get a ticket.
Nick: tell them to write it on soft paper so I can wipe my ass with it.
Nick: I hope they take debit..?
Terri: well, I have some change. Just.. not.. a lot of change.
Nick: ......... that is fantastic, Terri.
Terri: do we want cinna sticks or cheese bread?
Nick: either way we're getting diarrhea.
Terri: I love the sun roof.
Nick: yeah, it's great on nice days.
Terri: They should make the whole roof a window.
Nick: yeah, then every time a bird took a shit, I could know about it.
Charlie: But if a hipster was murdered, nobody would know about it.
(upon listening to the new Arctic Monkeys material, which includes the line "I'm in a vest")
Charlie: so obviously about handjobs.
June 2011
2 posts
Ben: I'm in a Starbucks and everyone is on a laptop.
Terri: Do you want a hipster star?
Ben: Too mainstream. I want a hipster comet.
Terri: You killed the dinosaurs before it was cool.
Ben: They weren't underground enough. I had to fix that.
(regarding the Weiner sex scandal)
Ben: Looks like Weiner had to pull out.
April 2011
2 posts
terri: remember last time you were up and every chip was a wish chip?
steph: every time, I wished I would get laid that night. but i never did.
Terri: so much for sleeping.
Martin: that's what she said.
Terri: she's a keeper!
Martin: sometimes you've gotta take one for the team
Terri: there's no i in team but there is meat
March 2011
3 posts
Terri: HENCEFORTH REFERRING TO PERIODS AS SHARK WEEK Ben: Okay. Terri: and before you ask, yes I had to tell my gay male friend. you’re the only person online. Ben: .. I’m not bothered.
facebook messages are the new snail mail
“Dear Rory;
In what neighbourhood is “the clash rocks” considered an acceptable sign-off?
Sincerely, Terri”
“Dear Terri;
Fuck you.
The clash still rocks, Rory “
February 2011
6 posts
Terri: why the hell would I need to not reference myself? I'm writing a recommendation. IT'S MY GODDAMN OPINION.
Eric: you just can't make references to the self in a formal report. it's assumed that if you belong to a corporation, you HAVE NO SOUL.
(in response to the bake sale poster assertion that baking is like sex)
Terri: too damn much clean up required.
and photo induced sleep deprivation begins
eric (checking out portraits on some dude's website): you see this guy? bend over boyfriend.
terri: you can just tell by the face
eric: yes. every one of these.
terri: up the bumsies!
(later)
eric: HEY YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT
terri: hwat?
eric: buttsex.
terri: nuhhhh... I dunno.
alex (walking in): that's definitely not what you were saying last night.
terri: ALEX! that was our SECRET.
(later)
eric: I wasn't aware you two were doin it
terri: neither was I
Terri: guys, executive decision time. should I or should I not get a pita after this.
Alex: what? did you say penis or pita?
Terri: ... take a wild guess.
Alex: okay. penis.
Terri: I don't just have the option to get a penis. you know what I'm saying?
Alex: *snort*
Terri: so guys? pita? no pita?